Okay so 'it was all a dream' might be considered a cop-out (though any third act twist that reveals what we've been watching as imaginary is essentially doing the same thing), and the reveal that the archeologist is actually a bored office worker makes this feel like a tv advertisement - that's not a criticism.
I would say that I think you've got too much 'stuff' before the action starts - why not throw us right into the action immediately - it's not like we need any backstory; we know this genre, audiences are familiar with it, so just get in there. I also wonder why this guy needs to be sleazy? I think most people will want to identify with him as a hero and then, when they find out he's 'one of us', they'll like him even more.
So my feedback is simple: cut to the chase and reassess our relationship to your protagonist... you want us to like him and identify with him, and you want us to hate his boss - the enemy of his escapism!
OGR 23/01/2019
ReplyDeleteHey Louis,
Okay so 'it was all a dream' might be considered a cop-out (though any third act twist that reveals what we've been watching as imaginary is essentially doing the same thing), and the reveal that the archeologist is actually a bored office worker makes this feel like a tv advertisement - that's not a criticism.
I would say that I think you've got too much 'stuff' before the action starts - why not throw us right into the action immediately - it's not like we need any backstory; we know this genre, audiences are familiar with it, so just get in there. I also wonder why this guy needs to be sleazy? I think most people will want to identify with him as a hero and then, when they find out he's 'one of us', they'll like him even more.
So my feedback is simple: cut to the chase and reassess our relationship to your protagonist... you want us to like him and identify with him, and you want us to hate his boss - the enemy of his escapism!